Being Too Direct
Tactfulness is more important with people you don’t yet know well and even more so when doing business and in building friendly relations. A lot of people think that having good grammar is most important, but actually choosing your words wisely is more important. English speakers will understand if you make grammar mistakes and they don’t expect your grammar to be perfect, but they will not understand word choices that are not tactful. For example:
1. “I haven’t seen you for a long time, you look fatter”
2. “Oh, you look different to your photo”
3. “Why didn’t you call me?”
4. Or when you ask for something like a favour and you hear refusal - “No.”
For example, I asked my dentist’s receptionist if I could change my appointment today, and she flatly replied, “no.”
In the first example a better greeting would have been, “Long time no see, how are things?” Remember, it is better to not make personal comments with people you don’t know so well. If you know someone very well, then you can make a comment about personal appearance.
The 2nd example is similar to the 1st in that it is better to not make a personal comment because it can be misunderstood. The listener might reply, “Oh, how do I look different?” You might then feel you are put on the spot because you will end up saying the wrong thing.
The 3rd example is aggressive. When you use “why” it is like you are angry. It would be better to soften your answer with, “I was expecting your call, but something must have happened..”
In the 4th example, a flat ‘No’ means “I don’t want to negotiate” and can begin an aggressive customer situation because the customer might get their back up. A more professional way to say ‘No’ would be, “Oh, I’m really sorry, but +(some reason)” Remember; good problem solvers and negotiators are always looking for a way around something.
Guessing the Meaning of Words From Context
Try to guess the meaning of the underlined words from the story and match the words/phrases with the numbers on the right which best matches it.
|
Tactful |
A |
1 |
Be careful with what you say |
|
choose your words wisely |
B |
2 |
Embarrassed, have to answer or do something when you are not prepared |
|
to flatly reply |
C |
3 |
People resent/dislike you because of something you say or do. Conflict. |
|
To be put on the spot |
D |
4 |
Diplomatic, polite, Choosing your words carefully |
|
soften an answer |
E |
5 |
Find another solution to a problem. |
|
To get one’s back up |
F |
6 |
When you have something more difficult to say like “no” but you reply by using and choosing kinder words |
|
a way around something |
G |
7 |
Answer in an unfriendly way |
A=4, B=1, C=7, D=2, E=6, F=4, G=5
Make Your Understanding Stronger by Answering these Questions
1.. In what kind of job would someone need to be very tactful?
2. Describe a situation when you had to choose your words wisely to avoid a conflict/fight/problem or avoid trouble.
3. Give an example of a time that you received a flat reply to something. Can you describe how this got our back up?
4. Have you ever been put on the spot? For example, you had to answer a question and you didn’t know the answer.
5. How could you soften your answer when you have to say ‘no’ to someone about something?
6. If you had promised something to a customer, but suddenly you were put on the spot and couldn’t, then how would you get around the problem? Explain using a real or pretend situation.
Some Example Sentences Using Today’s Reading
The captain of the soccer team had to be very tactful and choose his words wisely when he was asked to say what he thought about losing 4 games in winning none.
When the students asked their professor to change the exam date, she flatly replied “no changes.”
One time I was put on the spot because someone asked me a question about something that I should know a lot about and I couldn’t answer easily.
For me the hardest thing is to say “no” to people, so I find it is easier to soften my answer by saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t do it this time, but maybe next.”
The director got everyone’s back up when he said that this year the company would not give a pay rise.
When you are in another country and you can’t speak their language it is very hard, but sometimes you can find another way around the problem with body language.
ECK Education
