On Being Assertive, But Not Rude
Possibly one of the hardest things for many Koreans is, knowing how to speak their mind. I know this is cultural, and also language ability. I was speaking with a Korean guy who deals with people in the U.S. by telephone and he recounted how every week he talks to this guy in the U.S. who mumbles. He said the guy is impossible to understand, but he perseveres because he feels that if he interrupts him and asks him to speak clearly then he might get offside with his American counterpart. I told him that the only way forward was that he needs to be assertive if he wants this business relationship to be productive. So, what should our Korean friend say? Well, here’s what I told him to say:
“I’m sorry, but I’m not so good at English, so would you mind speaking a little more clearly. That will be much appreciated”
“I’m sorry, it’s hard to hear what you say on the telephone, so would you mind speaking slower/clearer”
Although English doesn’t have honorific forms like Korean when talking to people who are older or more senior, it does have respectful forms used to make your message polite regardless of whom you are speaking to. These are modal verbs such as “would/could/do you mind/would it be possible/it would be much appreciated if you could or would” etc.
Guessing Word Meaning From Context. Match the words/phrases/phrasal verbs letters to the closest number. The answers are below the table.
|
speak your mind |
A |
1 |
Not speak clearly |
|
deals with |
B |
2 |
Keep going, not give up, a fighting spirit |
|
recounted |
C |
3 |
Someone who works in the same or similar position to you |
|
mumbles |
D |
4 |
The future, what to do in the future |
|
persevere |
E |
5 |
Work with/cope with/solve |
|
get offside |
F |
6 |
Bad relations with, disagreement, not friendly relations with someone because of a disagreement |
|
counterpart |
G |
7 |
Remember or explain a past event/happening/situation |
|
The way forward |
H |
8 |
Not shy, bold, ask for what you want |
|
assertive |
I |
9 |
Words and phrases that show honor or politeness to other people |
|
respectful forms |
J |
10 |
Say what one is thinking |
A=10, B=5, C=7, D=1, E=2, F=6, G=3, H=4, I=8, J=9
Some Questions to Test Your Understanding
1. In which situation is it good to speak your mind? Not?
2. What kind of people do you deal with in your job/industry? Describe them.
3. Can you recount a situation when it was hard for you to understand what someone was saying? What did you do or say? Will you act differently in the future?
4. Do people who mumble bother you? What do you do about this?
5. Learning a language requires a lot of perseverance. Agree or disagree and explain why you think so.
6. Can you tell me a time you got offside with someone?
7. Describe a counterpart that you deal with in your business.
8. How are things in your industry? What do you see as the way forward, or the future?
9. How could you be more assertive?
10. Describe how English and Korean are different in their respectful/honorific word choices.
Some Example Sentences
Sometimes, it is important to speak your mind if you want someone to change his or her behavior.
My friend didn’t want to teach high school boys because they are too hard to deal with.
The policeman asked her to recount what she was doing a week ago on Friday night.
I didn’t understand what he was saying because he was mumbling, but I think he sounded a little angry.
I could not persevere with the neighbor’s noisy party so I had to be assertive and ask them to be quieter.
He got offside with his friends because he wouldn’t agree to their plan.
I talk to my counterpart in the Hana Bank every Friday. We both work in financial planning.
Our company lost sales to the competitor because their after sales service was better, so the way forward is for us to compete at something they can’t do as well as us.
If you want to ask someone out on a date then you need to be assertive.
In Korean culture you need to use respectful verb forms when talking with older people.
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