What do you think makes a love relationship last a long time?
When you first fall in love, what things do you see that are good or bad in the other person?
New research by neuroscientists has looked into why some couple’s relationships last and why some don't.
The scientists found that in relationships that were successful in the beginning that our brains tend to decrease activities where we make judgments and also do the same in areas where we have a feeling of self (where we think of ourselves first, our own importance and what it is that we want to achieve).
That is; when many people begin a new relationship their brains refrain from judging the new partner. Instead we only see good things about them. We even see bad things as having some good.
The scientists learned this by looking at brain responses to photos of the person they loved or were dating, and the associated behavioral traits. In their words,
“… a promising relationship is one in which people refrain from judging their new partners, and instead, tend to overrate them, even finding the positive aspect of a patently negative trait. A promising new romance is also one in which people give great importance to their loved one’s interests and desires, even to the subjugation of their own. Both these tendencies seem to be "a huge help in the longevity of a relationship,"”
However, in successful longer-term relationships such as when couples were married; it seems that it becomes important to think of one’s own needs again.
In summary, it seems that in the beginning, relationships that are successful are those where both partners don’t think of their own needs first, but in the long run it is relationships where both become more realistic that last a long time. That is, both see the good and the bad about the other person in an honest way.
It sounds like fortune telling, but this time scanning the brain and not the hand to see the future.
Guessing meaning from context
Try to guess the meaning of the words in bold and match them with their closest meaning from the choices in the right. The answers are below the table.
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Typical things that someone does, character of someone or something |
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To control from doing something |
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To control what we do or how we behave |
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Obviously or clearly typical of someone’s behavior that may not be able to be changed |
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Not a fantasy, normal, believable |
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Being able to last a long time |
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To say that something is bigger or better than it is |
A=2, B=1, C=9, D=5, E=3, F=4, G=8, H=6, I=7
Some example sentences using the new words to help you to better understand their meaning.
1. These days we are told to refrain from smoking in public buildings.
2. One of the traits of Tiger Moms is that they push their children to study hard.
3. I felt that the movie was overrated; it was not as good at the advertising.
4. Some people say that a patently negative trait of cats is they will always steal food garbage.
5. In negotiation if one side subjugates the other then it is not really a negotiation where everyone feels that they win something.
6. There is a strong tendency for rain in July.
7. The British Royal Family has longevity; it has lasted for more than a thousand years.
8. In the long run, President Obama may not get his health care changes made because of too much fighting.
9. When I was 12 I wanted to be a famous singer, but my sister told me to be realistic.
Some discussion questions using the new words to help you better understand the word meaning and how to use them correctly. Try to use the words in your answer.
1. Why do we tend to refrain from judging others when a relationship is new?
2. From the reading, what are typical traits of a new couple?
3. What is one of the most overrated places or movies you have seen or visited? Please describe why.
4. In the reading, what do you think is one of the patently negative traits the writer is talking about?
5. What are some people subjugating in today’s story?
6. What tendencies don’t you like in someone whom you want to love?
7. (These 2 questions have the same meaning but are said using different words. This is good for developing your paraphrasing skills) What recommendations do you have for having longevity in a relationship?
8. What makes a relationship work well in the long run?
9. Do you think that some people are unrealistic when they are in a relationship? Why or how?
ECK Education
